I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
