Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
