I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
