3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just threw up on my dentist
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
