I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
