I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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