I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
