mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
