I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
