Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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