a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
