Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
