Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
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