in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
