How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
