So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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