I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
whose parrot is this?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
