i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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