I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
