What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
