I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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