So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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