omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
