I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
