3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
