She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
