planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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