You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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