Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
