Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
