How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
