Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
