my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
