New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
So squirting runs in the family.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
