Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
