I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
