after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
