I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
