i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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