you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
