I'm lost and stupid without you.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
tell your sister to shave her snatch
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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