Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I am mentally ready for anal.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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