We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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