I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
