i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
