DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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