Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
