all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
