around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
