Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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