Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you inspire me to be a worse person
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
