I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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