Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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