HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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