If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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