I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
